Girl Talk: How the Absence of Real Men Affects Our Relationships and Our Culture

Girl Talk

I’d love to use the excuse that it’s because of the cold weather, the grit and hustle, and the rudeness of Detroit that causes this problem. But it’s not just a Detroit issue, we as women sometimes take the man’s role in a relationship throughout this country.

There are multiple reasons why this happens:

1. Men aren’t living up to their role

2. Society issues

3. We’re raising boys not men

4. Because mama was single and that’s all you saw so you push men away

5.  You don’t believe you deserve a great man or relationship

I mean I could go on and on but I’ll just stop there. Societal issues within America have caused more problems than a little bit in the black culture but have you ever sat back and realized how these issues affect our relationships. Welfare and child support affects our cultures relationships, why? Because you get more in assistance when the man is not in the home and on the application. And child support typically pushes the man away from his responsibilities altogether.

What you saw and heard growing up effects our cultures relationships too. If all you can remember is grandmama being single and mama being single or grandmama getting married multiple times and mama bringing different men in the house that now becomes your outlook on relationships. If all you heard was the women in your family talking about how “men ain’t this” and “men ain’t that”. That’s how you will think about men until you decide to make the decision to change your mindset.

Sometimes we get in a relationship and realize that the man we are with is not living up to our expectations or who he claimed to be when dating. This also causes women to take more of the man role because he’s not living up to the man he said he should be. If there are children in the home and daddy is not taking care of his end of the bargain a woman is now playing both roles to keep the home together.

This isn’t just in relationships some women take the man role in dating as well. Some reasons happen to be because the women have been hurt before so she figures if she keeps the upper hand she won’t get hurt again. Other reasons are because some women date as a sport and it’s just entertaining to see what all they can get from a man.

No matter the reason, I’m sure that we can all agree that the absence of “real men” in our communities has developed the strength of women to be the women and the man in the relationship. However, we were not created to play both roles, we were created to be the helper, not the leader and sole provider.

This isn’t a problem that sprung up in the midst of a few days, this problem started years ago and may take years to change. And maybe there needs to be a mindset shift within our culture, maybe we need knowledge, maybe we need real change.

Whatever it is that we need, do you think the problem of women playing the man role in relationships will ever end in the black culture?

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