It may not be the most popular topic but when you go through a few relationships and date a few men you realize that men have insecurities just like women. The only difference is that men’s insecurities are more hidden, buried, and tend to only pop up when they are put in the right situation.
I remember back in college, I guy I was dating tend to have an issue with my jeans and what I wore. Well, I’m bottom heavy and have a butt (all natural, no Dr. Miami needed) and even though I was decently dressed it takes layers to really hide your butt. Oh and, did I say that it was at the beginning of the semester and technically still summer. WHO IS LAYERING UP IN THE SUMMERTIME, WHO?
Not I said the Sharena! But that really bothered him. He would make comments like “don’t stand like that” or “turn this way, they (other guys) are looking at you”. Well, I’m the type to turn when you tell me “don’t look that way but” so of course I looked and no one was looking my way. It was his insecurity speaking loud and clear.
However, we were young so I didn’t know that that was insecurities at the time. Over time, I’ve learned that insecurities come out when a man is put in a relationship or a situation when they think they are ready to provide for a family, be the head of the household, and lead.
Not all men have a father in their home to demonstrate what it looks like to provide for a family. Some men have fathers in their homes that don’t demonstrate well but there are some men out there that have fathers in their homes that show them exactly what it takes to provide and raise a family.
However, in our community, the percentage of fathers not in the home is definitely higher. Some men are trying to figure out how to navigate a lifestyle that they are not sure exactly how to sustain. Nevertheless, the insecurities that come with providing can be talked about, figured out, and planned out so that the family can succeed.
However, these insecurities come from pressures of society, our community, women, and how they are raised. We raise our sons to not cry and not to be as vocal with their issues. This tends to make these insecurities lay dormant until the right situation or relationship comes about and focuses these insecurities to come out.
Which at times, leads us, women, to deal with and tolerate insecurities that cause us women to juggle our own insecurities as well as his insecurities. In the event that his insecurities are causing him to be violent or abusive in any matter (physical or verbal), then it is okay to walk away.
It is okay to love people from a distance if it is damaging you and your process, sis. Yes, you can want the best for him and want him to get better but if he doesn’t want it or living an unhealthy cycle (saying he will get better, gets better for 2 days and relapses) then do what is best for you.
What insecurities have you dealt with in your past or current relationship(s)? Comment below