Girl Talk: Insecurity in Men

insecurity in men

It may not be the most popular topic but when you go through a few relationships and date a few men you realize that men have insecurities just like women. The only difference is that men’s insecurities are more hidden, buried, and tend to only pop up when they are put in the right situation.

I remember back in college, I guy I was dating tend to have an issue with my jeans and what I wore. Well, I’m bottom heavy and have a butt (all natural, no Dr. Miami needed) and even though I was decently dressed it takes layers to really hide your butt. Oh and, did I say that it was at the beginning of the semester and technically still summer. WHO IS LAYERING UP IN THE SUMMERTIME, WHO?

Not I said the Sharena! But that really bothered him. He would make comments like “don’t stand like that” or “turn this way, they (other guys) are looking at you”. Well, I’m the type to turn when you tell me “don’t look that way but” so of course I looked and no one was looking my way. It was his insecurity speaking loud and clear.

However, we were young so I didn’t know that that was insecurities at the time. Over time, I’ve learned that insecurities come out when a man is put in a relationship or a situation when they think they are ready to provide for a family, be the head of the household, and lead.

Not all men have a father in their home to demonstrate what it looks like to provide for a family. Some men have fathers in their homes that don’t demonstrate well but there are some men out there that have fathers in their homes that show them exactly what it takes to provide and raise a family.

However, in our community, the percentage of fathers not in the home is definitely higher. Some men are trying to figure out how to navigate a lifestyle that they are not sure exactly how to sustain. Nevertheless, the insecurities that come with providing can be talked about, figured out, and planned out so that the family can succeed.

However, these insecurities come from pressures of society, our community, women, and how they are raised. We raise our sons to not cry and not to be as vocal with their issues. This tends to make these insecurities lay dormant until the right situation or relationship comes about and focuses these insecurities to come out.

Which at times, leads us, women, to deal with and tolerate insecurities that cause us women to juggle our own insecurities as well as his insecurities. In the event that his insecurities are causing him to be violent or abusive in any matter (physical or verbal), then it is okay to walk away.

It is okay to love people from a distance if it is damaging you and your process, sis. Yes, you can want the best for him and want him to get better but if he doesn’t want it or living an unhealthy cycle (saying he will get better, gets better for 2 days and relapses) then do what is best for you.

What insecurities have you dealt with in your past or current relationship(s)? Comment below

9 thoughts on “Girl Talk: Insecurity in Men”

  1. Mine would be dealing with a man in a relationship for two and half years and for some reason he can never just say he loves me or really wants to have a life with me. But will make a comment about stupid things that have nothing to do with the relationship. I am tired of my feelings being dismissed or mind games being played. I am older than him but I am just tired and I can feel this relationship coming to an end. I love myself too much to keep allowing such disrespect or trying to play on my emotions with immature behavior. Bottom line we as women have to value ourselves more and know our true worth.

  2. This is an interesting topic. How should we handle his insecurities? It is great to recognize when he is acting out, but what can we as women do to make him more secure? Communication is the key. Perhaps he needs to know his words or actions are hurting you with kind suggestions how he could better speak to you. Maybe he needs to know that the dude checking you out has nothing on him as far as good looks. We may need to build his self-esteem by letting him know how wonderful he is as a provider and protector.

    If we have continually spoken to him, communicated our feelings, did our part to make sure he is secure in our feelings for him, and he still acts out, then I understand doing what you need to do to protect yourself; things such as leaving the relationship, before you’re living with or married into a destructive relationship.

    These things we see within the first three months of a relationship. It should not take years of our feelings being hurt before we decide things just aren’t going to change.


    1. Thanks for commenting Bey Leigh! Insecurity can cause so many issues but I can not longer modify myself in a relationship, those days are over. Well unless needed because there is definitely a difference between adjustments and compromise.

  3. Yes men do have insecurities. One I will mention is fear. Fear of being hurt. I have heard guys telling about their bad experiences with maybe a first love who cheated on them. So to protect themselves from being hurt with any woman thereafter–they cheat. They do it to her hopefully before she does it to them. Or they sabotage a relationship feeling the woman may dump them first. Out of the blue they go ghost or just cause chaos in some type way to end the relationship.

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